Don't Question the Galaxy
by Oakzar
Summary: Rage and Hollow explore the depths of space and encounter such friends and foes as Fluke, Evanz, Gubiak and more. Together, they will venture to every plane of existence - seeking adventures, challenges and quests in the very recesses of the galaxy. '11/10 would not question it. Absolutely flawless.' - Rage. (Okay, maybe he didn't say that. But wouldn't it be cool if he did?)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

There's a theory that suggests if we were to ever find out the truth behind our existence and the universe, it would cease to exist immediately and something even more remarkable and undefinable would replace it...

Hollow woke up. It was an ordinary Sunday on an ordinary Earth. Hollow went about his ordinary routine: he got out of bed; took a warm shower; cleaned his twisted teeth; and then chucked on a creased Batman tee and some roughed-up tracksuit bottoms.

Now, you may be thinking, "what about breakfast, narrator?". And to that I would say "piss off, I'm getting there".

Now, here's where things got peculiar, or rather, interesting. Instead of walking down the stairs, he decided to nonchalantly climb out of his window and slide down the nearby telegraph pole. What's odder is that none of the surrounding life walking by seemed to register or acknowledge this surprising motion. Except for a monstrous gopher on a nearby fence post, whom sported a particularly surprised facial expression. Hollow didn't really think about any of this; he just opened his door and walked inside for breakfast - without questioning the lack of need for a key.

Hollow was sitting at his breakfast table: watching his morning dose of Attack on Titan.

Elsewhere in the galaxy, Gubiak was sitting down to watch *sigh* My Little Pony. But I digress, we'll get to him later.

The early incident now seemed to be a minor bump in an otherwise regular day. That is, until, Hollow looked down.

It turned out Hollow had been eargerly devouring a succulent bowl full of brick. Hollow thought briefly about this. He decided there was something intrinsically odd about this, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it, so he continued contently. Thankfully, his tea was perfectly regularly and unscathed. Hollow was very fond of tea.

What an idiot, huh?

After breakfast Hollow had some time to kill before his drinks with Dominator (real name), so he pulled out his copy of bestselling comedy (that's what the silly Earth people thought) 'An Alien's Guide to Earth', and read.

Elsewhere in the galaxy, a Sori fleet ship strolled through an asteriod belt. The soris were known for their apologetic nature, desire for more aesthetically pleasing space-garbage dumps and frequently moving plant pots to... you know what, you don't want to know. The commander of the ship, Fluke, (and interestingly author of 'An Alien's Guide to Earth') was barking orders at his crew; and then apologising, as it was in his nature.

Back on Earth, Hollow was walking up to a bathtub in the park. Hollow decided public bathing was considerably archaic and ignorantly presumed most of Leed's population had the capactiy to bathe privately. He called out for verification of this conclusion but, unsurprisingly, to no response.

For some inexplicable reason; the bathtub imploded. Hollow ran away from the thing (he was no longer sure if it was - in fact - a bath tub) as it continued imploding vigourously. Once the fantastical implosion had ceased, Hollow turned back, only to see his good 'friend' Rage standing in its place.

**RAGE**

Rage was an odd and immature creature. One of his many idiosyncracies was underlining words he enjoyed. Annoyingly, he did this to works besides his own. As you can tell he has been doing throughout this story. Hang on; "Rage! Piss off and let me write out this story myself" "..." "LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME TO RECOUNT THE STORY OR NOT. Ugh, you know what, I can't be dealing with you right now, just do what you want." Right, let's continue.

Rage barely registered as a sentient being - though he did have a fondness of song and dance and occasionally cried on stream. One thing that should be added is that Rage isn't from Earth, he was born and raised in the most onimous sector of the clandestine space plaza, Meraknar. Meraknarians yearned for adventures and travelling. Alas, they were no longer able to fulfil their desires since the Soris encompassed Meraknar in an electric cage-like mechanism, devised by the dasterdly, devious, diplomatic, disapproving, discourteous, downright discriminatory Doctor William Evanz. Who also apologies an inordinate amount.

I've always wondered why the Soris choose lifestles that don't concede with their nature, but I digress, again. I'm terribly good at that. I don't know how this bloddy story's ever going to be completed.

Rage called out to Hollow "Hey, man, I have a proposition for you". Confused, Hollow replied "Go on then..." "I'm bored of Earth, would you be interested in joining me in a trek across the galaxy?" "Good one, Rage, mate. But I've gotta get going." Rage realised he was missing his opportunity and was scheming a retort. "No seriously...", Rage took a deep breath, "I have something to confess to you. I'm not from Earth. I'm from the most onimous sector of the clandestine space plaza, Maraknar. I'm calling in my ship right now."

Hollow stuttered as things started falling into place; Rage's lack of human emotion, his ability to breathe underwater and, OF COURSE, when they first met Rage claimed to believe lawnmowers were the dominant life form on Earth - at the time he thought Rage was just drunk! But it all made sense now!

Hollow picked up his pace, he was not a brave man and fully obided by the quote 'man fears that which it does not understand'. (I'm sorry Hollow, it's for the story - we know you're Batman and there's a joke here somewhere about The Brave and the Bold) Hollow's cognitive function was to run away from the danger (both Walter White and other kinds of danger) and hide in the ardenne. Which really means he wold close the blinds and cower in his **deep dark** kitchen closet softly playing lullabies and hugging his little brown teddy bear with the ear slightly chewed and an eye missing. It wouldn't be valueable to anyone elese, but it meant a lot to him.

At this point, Hollow was running. Rage realised if he were to experience the sands of the wild western space with his well-hung compatriot, he mus...

"What, Rage?... oh, is it not that kind of story? Okay, my bad."

At this point, Hollow was running. Rage realised if he were to join the rebellion with hi...

"What?... It's not Star Wars either?" "Why don't you write it, Rage?"

Heeeeeeeeeeeeloooooooooo people my name is Rage and wel...

"Right, no you're not doing that - let me try again."

At this point, Hollow was running. Rage realised if he were to experience the sands of the wild western space with his compadre, he must pick up the chase. "It's time to deploy the scheme", Rage muttered, and began singing:

"Come with me,

And you'll be,

In a dull, barely inhabited wasteland.

Take a look,

And you'll see,

The novelty of space wears off quickly.

We'll begin,

With a trip,

To the

Galactic World Cup.

Actually, wait,

never mind,

Football's shiiiiiiiiiit!

If you want to view Skidrow,

and, no, I don't mean the Pakistani city.

I'm talkin' 'bout, the farmer's market!

Though they do

Both share

high crime raaaaaaaates!

If you want

To live in a

World run by

Bureaucratic assclowns;

Fine by me,

But you see,

Come with me,

And you'll be free of,

Tyraaanyyyyyy!"

Hollow stopped in astonishment, "Man, did you just parody Pure Imagination on the spot?" "Yeah, but that's not the point. Please come with me!" Rage got down on his hand and knees and...

_...begged. _

Hollow sighed, "Fine".

"There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception" - Aldous Huxley

"Okay, Rage, now that the first chapter has finished, can you stop underlinding everything you silly bastard?"


	2. Chapter 2

A ship, stained in moss and algae - with a faint hint of a stealth red underneath, slowed down as it reached the 7th speed camera in what? A few miles? Christ on a bike, I'm going to have to send a strongly worded letter to the galactic travel council later. Anyway, this ship belonged to the absolutely flawless Rageington Rage of the Kingdom of Rage. Aboard it, the pilot: Peace, the captain: Rage and the crew: the Ragican Empire.

Hollow rose after a night of uncomfortable sleep, well I say sleep, more like the kind of toss and turn slumber a man awaiting his execution may experience. Each twitch leading him further down the aisle to the guillotine. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad. But he was nervous. After all, he had every right to be, he had escaped the atmosphere of his home planet but a week ago and was fast-approaching the very conurbations of the milky way.

P.S. for you doubters, it was a very fast ship. We don't need your science.

It was the first night Hollow had spent in his sleeping quarters, so he took the time he had before breakfast to observe and fully appreciate his new place to lay his head.

"No Rage, I'm not going to write that it was a dungeon."

"No, I don't care that he stole your chocolate bar, I'm not lying to the readers!"

"Listen here, in a minute, I'm going to say that you're a secret brony if you don't shut up"

Okay, back to the story, in Hollow's batcave, there was little to occupy the space: a picture, of the legendary, mythical God Curaxu riding his magnificent dragon, a closet; containing only Hollow's Deathstroke cosplay, diamond sword and batman tee and a note on the table, saying 'Welcome aboard the 'Enchanted ship ;)'.

Hollow lacked the time to take in anything else before Rage poked his head in through the hatch in the ceiling... wait, let me explain. You see, Rage insisted that a ventilating shaft be excavated leading from his quarters to Hollow's because A) he wanted to feel like Gordon Freeman and B) he wanted access to Hollow's quarters in case of 'emergency'. Hollow implored that this did not happen, however, Rage engaged in incessant whining (as per) and Hollow just gave in.

"So," Rage said, "you ready for breakfast?"

Hollow replied, "as long as there's tea!"

"Uhhh, yeah, about that... we... have... no... tea..."

Hollow was...

Hollow was...

_The narrator apologises, this part is just so emotional._

Hollow was so upset and catastrophically disappointed in Rage that he transformed into a horse, turned away with the angst and attitude of a teenager and trotted off.

"Hollow, wait," Rage called out in a moment of deceitful desperation. Hollow stopped to listen.

Rage snickered "why the long face?"


	3. Chapter 3

One thing you didn't know about Rage, dear reader, is that he is ordained as a priest...

"What, no? You're not fucking Anduin Wyrnn, no, you're Josh.. _I mean Rage"_

"And before you say, you were not ordained in the church of the flying spaghetti monster. I'm sorry. I know how you feel about flying spaghetti monsters. Hell, even I think they're cute all slathered in sauce... mmmm."

Right, so, as I was saying Rage was no ordinary priest - no, for example, when he baptized children he would say,

"In the name of the father, the son, and the spooky ghost, you are baptized."

And yes, not-so-dear reader, I am in favour of the oxford comma. The real fight.

Moving swiftly on from... that, we will leave our friends Rage and Hollow for a while, for I have just decided they bring only mundanity for a chapter or two. We now go to the lovely Fluke.

Sigh, Rage told me to tell you that "He's not lovely. He's just a dick". Y'know, sometimes I abhor writing for this arrogant, interfering prick. "NO I WILL NOT TELL YOU MORE ABOUT HOW I'M SALTY".

So, Fluke had just finished watching Sad Max, a film about a clean shaven fellow in the livelihood of civilization, yet he could not find a job or partner so he spent his life playing a computer came in which he was a rugged, high-octane badass with the emotional capacity of a dry squid. In tears, Fluke walked to the hull of the ship to meet with his second-in-command.

"Evening, Redflame, things been good?"

"They most certainly have, I was just chosen to be your second-in-command by the narrator!"

"Huh?"

"Oh nothing" (You're on thin ice, Redflame, saying things like that)

"Anyway... what do you think we should do with Planet Meraknar?" Fluke said, trying to ignore the potential craziness coming from his most trusted ally

"I urge we let them go, they have nothing to offer us besides slave labour, their people are weak-willed and annoying"

The narrator winks at Rage

"You know nothing, Redflame Snow" Fluke muttered, remembering a Meraknarian 'man' he had met many years ago, someone he'd hoped to never see again...

The narrator winks at Rage again.


End file.
